Julio Garreaud The Human Architect

While being wheeled into the operating room after being shot by a would-be assassin, the ever-persuasive President Ronald Reagan got a chuckle when he wisecracked, “I hope the doctor is a Republican.” We may not all be so cool in a crisis, but we can all profit by not taking ourselves too seriously.

Humor is an infinitely variable commodity, on the part of both the sender and the receiver. Witness the range of comics from, say, The Three Stooges to Mort Sahl or audiences as disparate as Shriners and anthropologists.

My suggestions for improving your sense of humor: First, find out what your strong suit is, humor-wise. Ask a friend who’ll be honest with you. Second, research your audience. Find out who they are, what’s made them laugh previously. Third, work on your timing. Try out your best lines on your family, friends, and associates. Fourth, if humor hasn’t previously been in your repertoire, proceed slowly. It’s better to use humor sparingly than to be remembered as a buffoon or insensitive.

Fifth, sprinkle your humor throughout your talk, not just at the beginning or end. Sixth, make it relevant to the subject, not just a funny line you paste onto your speech for laughs. And, last, remember that some of the best stories are those you tell on yourself. A little mild self-deprecation can go a long way toward making your audience feel at ease with you.

Such conversational first aid not only makes the other person or group more persuadable, it helps you both keep your perspective. Humor not only can be an icebreaker, but if the going is tough, to those in the trenches it can also be an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of your collective faith in the ultimate triumph.

We naively assume any group can automatically be a team. But, actually, one of the biggest single reasons that teams misfire is that behavioral differences are ignored. In short, who’s selected for the team will very likely affect the outcome. So, for best results, we can’t just order an off-the-rack model-we’ve got to design one that’ll best do the job.

If, when you create a team, you employ knowledge of the four behavioral types, or behavioral styles, you greatly improve its chances for success. You need to take into account that there are natural allies and antagonists among the styles and also that each style functions best at a different phase in the life cycle of a team.

For example, Socializers often see Thinkers as overly-analytical fuss-budgets. Directors might sooner die than turn into dull plodders like the Relaters. Thinkers, while often drawn to Relaters, have difficulty understanding the Socializer’s lack of focus or the Director’s impatience. And Relaters only wish everyone was as amiable as they.

So while the potential for conflict is always there, it needn’t become the reality. In creating a team, think about who you are putting on it and monitor how they function during the group’s evolution. That way you’ll not only make the best possible use of the strengths of each team member, you can help create a whole that’s much larger than the sum of the parts.

No one who wants to improve their relationships or gain influence with others would describe herself as “unapproachable.” Yet sometimes we hear: ‘I’m sticking to my guns no matter what.” Or, “Don’t come to me with a problem if you don’t have a solution.” Or, “I’m only interested in what works.” The attitude behind those kinds of statements is: Don’t bother me unless it’s worth my time and corresponds to what I already believe. Not exactly conducive to collaboration!

Being outright unapproachable is one thing. If you make it known you really don’t want people coming around, you’ll get what you ask for. But you may think that doesn’t apply to you, yet you could be putting out “unapproachable” messages in more subtle ways. You could always be so busy that anyone who comes to you feels they’re not getting your full attention. Co-workers and employees may then perceive you as being swamped with too much work, so that they’ll bring only the most important items to your attention. This may result in your knowing less about what’s happening than if you had made yourself more approachable.

Another subtle “unapproachable” style comes from people who seem to live from crisis to crisis. If you know that every time you engage Mary in a conversation, you’ll hear about the latest problem or tragedy in her life, you’ll probably avoid her.

How about people who don’t take the time to have an acceptable level of personal appearance? They might have dirty hair or clothes that don’t fit them well. These folks often find themselves cut off from social discourse.

Another way to make people want to avoid you is if you talk too much. I’ll steer clear of you if I know that every time I say “hi” I’ll be subjected to at least a five minute monologue.

So there are various ways to establish yourself as unapproachable. The most common is to set up a lot of conditions about what kinds of things you’re willing to entertain and how they should be presented to you. Another way to do it is to be so preoccupied with your own needs that anyone approaching you either gets short shrift or gets a full dose of your problems. A third way is just to make yourself so physically unappealing that no one wants to be around you. And another surefire turnoff is to talk too much, especially about yourself.

The antidotes to these problems should be clear. You need to cultivate a style that says “open” not “closed.” You need to give your full attention to the other person when they’re approaching you with their needs. All of this behavior adaptation takes conscious effort. You can’t change old patterns in a day. But you can change. You might have to do something uncharacteristic like reaching out and asking someone how she’s doing, or what’s on her mind.

“You and I are architects of the minutes we use every day.

We build ourselves moment by moment.

What you are this minute is the result of what you were building during the thousands of minutes that have already passed.

What you will be in a minute from now depends upon what you are now, PLUS what you are mentally demanding that this present moment shall add.

Every turn around of the second hand, you are building yourself anew - are you changing, altering, revising, remaking, improving?

Just as surely as the pilot of a vessel deliberately moves his wheel one way, and swings the huge greyhound to the east - or moves it the other way and swings it toward the setting sun, and so pursues his course as he elects, and finally reaching his port if his steering has been correct - just so can you deliberately direct your own course toward any
goal you choose.

I repeat: You are the product of minutes. Each minute is an opportunity to build - for growth, advance, gain, supremacy, CONQUEST.

It all rests with you.

Keep your eyes on the minutes.

The minute makes the person.”

Go manage your minutes powerfully and have a great life!

The only advantage of being a pessimist is that all your surprises are pleasant. But that’s pretty small change compared to the big payoff that comes from projecting positive expectations.

Much of our happiness or unhappiness is caused, of course, not by what happens, but how we look at what happens. In other words, by our thinking habits. And habits can be changed.

George Walther, in his book Power Talking, shows how you can foster the mindset that interprets setbacks as positive opportunities. He believes this is a skill that you can develop - one word, one phrase, one sentence at a time.

For starters, purge the words “I failed …” from your vocabulary, Walther urges. Replace them with “I learned …” to help your mind focus on the lessons involved.

Similarly, you might want to get in the habit of using “challenge” when others would say “problem,” “I’ll be glad to” instead of “I’ll have to,” and “I’m getting better at …” rather than “I’m no good at …”

The subliminal effect of changing even a few words, Walther says, can prompt your mind to come up with creative solutions rather than dreading or fleeing the problem.

Have you ever been accused of not listening or not being attentive? It sounds something like this, “I never feel like you’re paying attention to me,” or maybe, “I thought we discussed this yesterday…”
When these accusations have come my way, it stressed the relationship and distressed me. Reflecting on these confrontations I wonder, “Why didn’t I remember that discussion - why does this person feel like I don’t care?”

My first, superficial answers were:
“I need to improve my communication skills,” and,
“Stress is affecting my ability to focus.”
Decades later I now see the feedback was actually a clue about a bigger issue.

The reason people said I didn’t listen is that I wasn’t fully present; I was someplace else. I was invested in listening to my thoughts and feelings, thinking of answers before I heard the questions, building a case to defend my actions, or solving another problem. I was so busy “being effective” that I was not open, curious, or attentive to the other person. And I was not aware that I wasn’t present.

It takes a lifetime to learn to become authentically present. It’s a personal and professional pursuit based on truly knowing ourselves. Not the surface, ego-self that operates on habitual patterns and limited awareness. We need to know ourselves at a deeper level where our genuine character resides.

When we know ourselves in this way we discover a true self that is not bound and blocked from being authentically present. The “superficial self” is too focused on self gratification or protection to be authentic. Our true self is secure in knowing who we are, what we value and in having a sense of purpose.

Recently several leaders spoke about authentic presence at President Gerald Ford’s funeral service; everyone spoke of his honesty and trustworthiness. They admired his ability to laugh at his mistakes and to never hold a grudge. They talked about how he was the right person to heal a troubled and pessimistic country. He wasn’t out to impress anyone or to do whatever it took to be re-elected, so he could be authentically present. As Henry Kissinger, his former national security advisor, said, “He did his duty as a leader, not as a performer playing to the gallery.”

When we truly know ourselves we stop being robots to our habitual patterns, serving the surface needs and wants of our egos. We are at our best because our true character shines through and serves as a light for all to see and follow.
Pursue Noble Goals and Empathy make up the “Give Yourself” portion of the EQ model. Empathy lets us listen without an agenda, which allows us to see the situation for what it is. And we are available to give our full genuine attention because we want to give of ourselves.

The Tibetan term for authentic presence literally translates to “a field of power.” When we’re with people who are authentically present we can feel that power. It’s not the positional power of rank and authority, it’s the real human power that influences and moves us. Are you ready, personally and professionally, to let go of the performer playing to the gallery? Is it time to become more authentic as a leader?

My own experience is that learning about emotional intelligence has been a key step in developing my authentic presence. I was re-reading my own SEI Leadership Assessment and looking at the EQ competencies I use when I’m at my best and considering how these skills help me be authentic. And once again I’m committed to continuing to develop my own emotional intelligence. Partly for me, partly for my family, partly for my clients — but even more because I know it’s the critical difference that will allow me to be my best for the world.

Take care and give care,

Cindy Marteney founder of Insight Shift www.insightshift.com explains how coaching interactions uncover the needs of the client. Once the needs are identified client and coach can open a dialog for understanding, planning and personal development.
Are you interested in your personal transformation to reach a higher level of success take our complementary personality assessment.

Take a look at this video, i find it to be very interesting…